strange days

Last week I saw a 420+lb. 15 year old. The first time he entered my office he sat down and the defenseless wooden armchair simply buckled. His "morbid obesity" has been a frequent topic in counseling sessions. Last week, he gave me something different to talk about: he turned his head to the side and I saw a perfect brown stripe across the front of his neck. It was a massive dirty spot where he had apparently failed to wash beneath the folds of his skin.

In my role as a counselor I pretty much have carte blanch to talk about the kinds of things nobody else will talk about. I spend a tremendous amount of time and effort working to establish a relationship with these kids so that I have the clout and credibility to say things like, "Dude, I can see the dirt on your neck from here. When you shower, you need to lift up those rolls and wash underneath them EVERY TIME."

Understandably, he became a little defensive and said, "Well, I noticed your arms are looking pretty flabby themselves. You should start working out."

I looked at my arms. "I ran 5 miles this morning at 5am, what did you do?"

"Slept in."

"Did you shower?"

"No, I did yesterday."

"You need to be showering daily, AT LEAST. Every teenager should be showering on a daily basis."

"I like baths. That way I don't have to stand up- standing hurts me knees and ankles...but my mom won't let me take baths anymore- she says I turn the water brown and sit in my own filth."
"She's probably right. You need to clean yourself every day, and you have to wash under your rolls. You are dirty, and people are going to think that's gross."

"Just because I smell like chicken don't mean I'm dirty."

Me: (perplexed) "Who said anything about chicken??"

"I smell like chicken because I ate chicken yesterday."

"Is that the shirt you wore yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Did you spill chicken on it?"

"Yeah."

"Dude, you need to take a shower AND change your clothes EVERY DAY..."

And so the conversation went on. Not unlike so many other conversations that would normally be percieved as weird, rude, or awkward. It used to be hard for me to initiate these kinds of conversations. We're all trained to be polite, not to stare, etc. But if I really care about this kid, I think it's more loving and compassionate to let him know there is a deficiency and teach him how to rectify it.