Fantasy Football

Gentleman, pay attention.

This time of year we crowd in dens and living rooms, hover over computers, and drink more soda/eat more chips than we ought to. We dust off our old football jerseys and throw the ball around- lamenting the deterioration of our throwing strength. For this is the dawn of fantasy football, 2009 edition.

I had the opportunity to attend my first "live draft" (where all the players pick their teams) last weekend. There were ten players in the room (counting me), and I knew only a few of them. I was vaguely familiar with a couple guys, to say I was simply aware of them. A couple of the guys were complete strangers, people I'd never seen or heard of. I knew the importance of this occasion- it had the potential to make or break the entire season.

We'd come together for one purpose: to take turns selecting players for our teams. This is widely regarded as the critical moment of the season. The players you start with are the foundation for a victory-laden season. But I was more excited about something else: the opportunity to "size-up" the competitors. As one who conducts "assessments" of people on an hourly basis, I figured if ever I should wield some advantage, this was my chance!

So, friends, without further ado, allow me to present the strategy for "targeting" other owners.

Firstly, sort the other players into tiers. Interestingly, this is what many players do with their list of NFL players- they sort them into tiers and try to pick players in the top tiers. I sort the players into tiers. The top tier is composed of the guys who bring their own laptops to the draft, the guy who speaks in acronyms (PPR, PAT, D/ST) and the guy who uses technical terms (i..e "flex players"). The guy who brings the notebook full of printed out statistics from last season is probably a top tier player, too. These are the guys who are hip to the rules, who know how the scoring works, and who are probably immune to bad trades.

The second tier is where most casual football fans fall. They know the famous players, they have a favorite team, they may have even played fantasy football before. These guys are susceptible to bad trades, but only if the stage is set precisely. They won't fall for a trade with no "face value."

The third tier is where the "easy pickins'" will be. These guys are the buddies who got invited to join the league in order to have an even number of players, the friend from church who was being "reached out to," or the coworker who overheard about a "draft" and started considering a move to Canada. They have no idea what they are doing. They don't know the players, they don't know the rules, and they have no chance whatsoever of winning (this becomes important for resolution of future ethical dilemmas)

To be continued...