ROBIE

Robie Creek training is fully underway. I ran 8 miles without stopping on Saturday. Mind you, my "running" is more like a homerun trot to most folks. But most folks aren't hauling around 290lbs. 290 freaking pounds. Joy measured my waist last week- 45 inches. 45 inches! Let me tell you what 45 inches means: 45" means you can't buy a new belt in the store. Or pants, or shorts, or underwear. Buying these items means a full-blown expedition. Sometimes it feels more likely I'll stumble upon the Lost Arc or the Aztecan lost City of Gold. I wonder if they have chips and salsa in the City of Gold?

And that's a big part of my problem: I ingest too many calories. How many, you ask? I don't know, but enough that I could run 20 miles (7, 5, and 8 mile runs) and swim 1 mile (36 down and back laps at the NRC pool) last week and still gain weight. Have you seen the guys who run triathlons? I was shopping for a specialized triathlon wetsuit last week (okay, daydreaming, really). The largest wetsuits I could find were the XXL's. These are designed for athletes up to 6'2" and 215lbs. I'm like, "dang." The good news is that they have special categories for larger men in these events. They're called "Clydesdales." The bad news is that I could lose 75lbs. and still be a Clydesdale. 215lbs and up is a Clydesdale. Is there no category for Elephants, Baloogas, and Brontosauruses? (or is it Brontasauri?)

But I'm not trying to portray myself as some kind of victim. I enjoy running and swimming. I like pushing myself and trying to improve my times. And I like spending time training with friends (We miss you much, Chad). The first time I "ran" Robie Creek, "the toughest half-marathon in the Pacific Northwest," I finished in 3:02. The second time (last year) I had a 2:42. My goal this year is to crack 2:40. Any number that starts with 2:3_ will be great. As far as I'm concerned, a 2:39:59 counts as a success.

I have got to lose some weight, though. The Robie Creek course is brutal. It's an 8.4 mile ascent followed by a 4.7 mile freefall. I've seen several runners "Peter Pan" right at mile 9 where there is a sharp turn on a steep, steep downhill. The final half mile of the ascent is like a staircase, only maybe steeper. I hold it to be un-runnable. I sincerely doubt I could ride a motorcyle up that last half mile It's THAT steep. During training last year I looked around and realized I was jogging in a foot of snow. We started the run on dry ground. It's THAT steep.

Any words of advice out there?