Day 48

Ran 5+ miles outside today. It was still absurdly cold- at the end of the run I couldn't feel my fingers. But it felt good to be outside, even if I was running in the dark at 6:00am.

I'm staying on pace for the 1000. My body seems to be holding up okay.

Joy and I are trying to nail down a race event for the spring season. The cost of races can add up quickly. Nothing like paying to run a course that I could run 364 other days of the year for absolutely free. I know, I know, it's all about the community. It actually is all about the community. In fact, it seems like most of what I do everyday is all about the community.

We all belong to communities, you know? Whether it's a community of co-workers, a community of people with similar interests, or a simple geographical community- we all have OUR communities. What communities do YOU belong to? What groups, familial or otherwise, influence you on a daily basis? I once aspired to remedy my own availability to things, to people, and to groups. I wanted to be more intentional about what things I allowed myself access to and what things I allowed to have access to me. It was a splendid experiment and I learned alot about myself.

Sometimes I see people as swaying in the wind like tall grass; or like the shifting shadows. And I think, "Man, that person needs some community." I think community is supposed to provide some accountability. But some people view community as an audience. They show-off or speak to hear themselves talk and never really say anything. I don't like those types of communities. Give me depth! Give me visceral, honest, and vulnerable interactions every time. I hate small talk. I hate posing. I like authenticity. That's why I like runners.

You can't fake a good hard run, that's for damn sure. You can't pretend to run on guts and pride. I know it when I see it. Maybe that's why I like the running community. People there share my suffering, sometimes by the mile and sometimes by the stride. Those people see me at my worst, at my most authentic moment. They share in my epic successes and they share in my epic failures.  They feel so much more supportive and real to me than the friends I have in other communities.

Maybe I'm to blame. It's worth examining what I bring to those other communities. What behaviors, judgments, and biases do I contribute to in-authentic communities. Do I show my suffering in other communities? Do I ALWAYS tell them I'm doing fine, even when I'm not? Am I as supportive to a person who is having hard times in life the same way I am supportive of a runner pushing through a plateau? Am I?

Ironically, I find I have (and demonstrate) more compassion for the like-minded madman who pushes himself to do hard things. Is it logical to have less respect for the person who is just minding his own business and getting shelled by life and have more respect for the person who puts himself out there and invites pain? No, it isn't.

Still working through some things...