Day 60

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Rom. 7:15) 

Here is a snippet from Romans. I think biblical scholars should rule out the possibility that Paul was talking about long distance running. It perfectly describes my own struggle and I suspect all runners wrestle with this. It happened again today during a 5.5 mile run. It usually goes something like this: 

I'm plodding along at my pace when suddenly I see something on the horizon. I doubt my eyes at first but sure enough, it's another runner! I immediately begin wondering whether I can overtake and pass this other runner. 

But then the voice of reason activates. Who cares. This isn't a race. And besides, if you pony up the energy to catch that runner you will screw up your pacing and fade at the end of this run. You WILL REGRET IT. 

I decide to just "enjoy" my run and not worry about catching the other runner. But, simultaneously, I watch landmarks and wonder how long it will take me to reel them in. Inevitably, I find myself racing past the other runner with wreckless abandon. And, inevitably, I fade and regret wasting my energy trying to run down some random person. 

Why do I do this? It would be one thing if it only happened once or twice. But I seem to make a habit out of sabotaging my own runs by competing against total strangers.