Day 163

Another 5.5 miles today. Ran 1 mile in my "barefoot" shoes. I notice I run differently in these shoes- I'm more on my toes and the balls of my feet and almost never on my heels. There's not any cushion there to absorb the impact of heel-striking and so I find myself focused on every step. I'm running well lately. The plan is to steadily introduce more and more minimalist running to help my feet (and calves) grow accustomed to the abuse. I don't know if I'll ever make a permanent transition.

Yesterday I "graduated" a kid out of counseling. He presented months ago after a traumatic car accident and he responded well to therapy. Yesterday (through an interpretor) his parents thanked me profusely. This is uncommon for several reasons: 1) the kid got dramatically better and he made the improvements fast. He was very receptive to treatment. 2) The family was Spanish-speaking only. Performing counseling through an interpretor is one of my least-favorite things. It is SO hard. You lose so much in the translation; not to mention "culturally loaded" language. 3) The family had the insight to recognize and acknowledge the change- this is very uncommon. In this case I think the family tended to give me too much credit and not enough for the child. The kid is the brave one who did all the work and chased down his demons. All I did was coach him through it. But I'll stick that feather in my cap- because I don't get them very often, and I often feel like I wish I had more of them.

Being a psychotherapist is a constant struggle between assuredness and insecurity. Some days I have 4-5 clients just "no-show" appointments. Some days I see 8 clients and have several more on a waiting list. Clients "drop-out" constantly. Sometimes they return, sometimes they vanish completely. Sometimes they yell and curse at me. Sometimes they refer their friends and family members to come and see me. Sometimes they hug me. Sometimes they threaten me. Sometimes they cry alot. Sometimes they refuse to speak at all. It's hard to know when to take something personally and when to dismiss something as the collateral damage involved in working with impoverished, mentally-ill patients.

So I'll take that feather. Thank God for feathers.